Meat means Man: M for masculine. E for egotistical. A for awesome. T for truth.
You should roll what I said into a corn tortilla and enjoy the meat-man taco with a side of queso and warm red salsa or spicy green sauce greatness.
Because if meat disappears so will Man. And Woman too. Without each other the two are hopeless. Whether or not you believe, God knew Man would be a circus freak without Woman’s guidance, intuition, advice, love, discipline, nurture—and money. Thank God for women, and also for meat.
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O.M.G. (photo from IBTimes.com)
Technically, chicken and other avian are not meat; they are poultry. Crab, fish, shrimp, and other aquatic beings die and become seafood. Pork is the other white meat, while beef is what’s for dinner. What is alligator?
When Man eats he wants meat. Even when he eats a Twinkie, he 1) is thinking about steaks and hamburgers, or 2) is wishing Hostess would come out with a bacon flavored line of sugary cake foods. When buying meat you don’t have to worry about whether or not it’s meat. You might think Spam is meat (it is, you’re right), but to me Spam is what I get in my Yahoo! inbox. Read the label on a package of meat, and if it says USDA Choice then you know it’s beef that’s better than Select but below Prime. If the package says Tofurky then you know you have an imposter on your hands — immediately place the deceiver back on the shelf, walk away, and tell no one you thought about buying fake meat.
Walmart sells fake meat and real meat. How cool is it that you can buy real meat and a shotgun in one place?! Fake meat seems like an oxymoron to me. Kinda like happy vegans. Deep down, eating meat is primal human instinct, and, though they pretend not to, vegans desire to eat hot dogs and honey, and drive cars or ride bikes whose tires are made from animal by-products. Are bees considered animals or insects? Annoying buzzing furry blobs?
Of course I respect people who choose to abstain from meat: More meat for me! The real meat section at Walmart has many choices. Bolonga (baloney?), pepperoni, frozen burger patties, sliced ham and turkey. You want to experiment with lengua (tongue) or the lining of the stomach (tripe) of cattle or other ruminants such as sheep or goats? Wamart has a hook-up for that. Just ask Eric Zimmerman.
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All this talk about meat has made Eric Zimmerman hungry. Thank God Walmart is close. (photo by Anthony Pannone)
Thing is, Eric wants real meat, not the faux pas that MorningStar Farms sells. Between the produce and meat sections in the local Walmart, I asked Eric, “You eat meat?” No hesitation, he replied, “Absolutely.”
Eric is an Aggie who spent 16 years working as an agriculture and natural resources expert for Texas A&M AgriLIFE Extension. Now he’s the manager of acquisitions and special projects for Circle X Land and Cattle. He believes the meat market in ten years will be “stable and viable.” Time will tell, and I hope he’s right because, dammit, I depend on Whataburger for every meal. And Chick-fil-a, too, but remember chickens are poultry, not meat, and they taste like chicken.
More important than knowing Eric’s favorite cut of meat, or that Chick-fil-a supports Man-Woman marriage, I asked what superhero power he wants. “Being able to predict the future,” he said. Then, laughing, he said maybe knowing the future would be a negative thing because he’d know his demise.
Which is why, if asked what superhero power you want, you always say X-Ray vision. That, or the ability to be positive and not whine about our food system.
Adios Compadres,
Anthony
Anthony Pannone is an agricultural leadership, education, and communications graduate student at Texas A&M University. He has Aggie Swag, and he wishes the football team would win a National Championship soon, real soon. Find him on Facebook. Tweet him @agrospheric. Contact him and share your story via anthony@ilovefarmers.org.